Saturday, September 09, 2006

"I'm the war on terror. Why am I afraid?" Bin Das Bush

Dear Bin Das, Sigh, once again, Agony Funcle, has been called upon to put yet another soul out of its agony. Let's go. We've got work to do. First things first, some introspection. Who are you fighting? You need to first answer that question. The question is not why you should be afraid. It's who you should be afraid of? The way we see it, you should be most afraid of yourself. As the war on terror, you're creating more terror than fighting it. We've been observing your progress closely for some time now. We're not suprised to see you here. We expected you to, eventually, come to us. We remember the glory days when you had little to be afraid of. Now all we remember are gory days. But during the glory days, you had something to be proud of. You had a clear enemy. People were on your side. People supported you. You were the protector. Your enemies were terrified of you. You knew who your enemies were. Unfortunately those days seem far, very far, very far way from forgotten. Forgotten is closer to anything they seem like now. Had those days been forgotten, they'd be a lot closer than to the state of affairs you find yourself in now. You have every reason to be afraid. You thought you were some big cat who could do whatever you felt like doing. Well, all you are now is a fraidy cat. If all this is making you feel miserable, it's okay. You deserve to feel some of the pain you've been dishing out. Every time you felt insecure about something, you dredged up the war on terror. Every time you were terrified of losing power, you brought out the war on terror. Every time you felt like you were being overtaken by the circumstances surrounding you, you brought out the war on terror. The war on terror is no longer a war on terror. It's just a fucking cliche. You thought you were exterminating terror. You've only ended up creating more terror. Before you, people had to come up with a good reason to embark on a terror campaign. They had to think of something, some justification for causing mayhem. Now they don't need any reason. They just use the war on terror to spread more terror. The war on terror has only created more terror. The war on terror has become the terror. The war on terror was supposed to make this world a safer place. It has only ended up filling this world with more people bent upon causing even more terror. You're not the war on terror. You're the irony, the grotesque irony, and the ugly irony of the war on terror. Fortunately, you have one thing you don't have to be afraid of. You will never go away. Thanks to the war on terror, the war on terror is here to stay. You're not as foolish or as mindless as you make yourself out to be. You started the war on terror to ensure the war on terror never ends. Good job, war on terror. You have nothing to be afraid of. People are normally afraid of something if it threatens their future, their existence, their life. In your case, the war on terror has given the war on terror a new lease of life. Every death from the war on terror continues, perpetuates and gives birth to more wars on terror. The war on terror feeds on the fear of the war on terror. You're like that great monster we can't quite put a finger on that feeds off its own fears and gets stronger every time it gets more fearful. (Don't be afraid to tell us which one.) Just be very afraid of the war on terror, war on terror. It's what will keep you going. Internalise this: You are afraid because your genes have recognised fear as the only way to ensure their survival. For your genes to thrive, prosper, multiply and live for ever, they need to cultivate in a culture of terror. Just remember, fear is the key. And don't be afraid to thank us. It won't hurt you. Once in a while, it's okay to forget fear. It'll help keep your genes on their toes. Fear not. Fear more. Fear on. We fear for you. Are you with us? If so, you have nothing to fear. If not, be very afraid, which, as we explained, is a good thing. And now, time to give it a rest. We're bushed. Your bindaas Funcle.