Wednesday, September 27, 2006

"Who is this Mojo and why do people lose it?" Art Barfucle

Dear Barfuncle, Mojo is that thing which helps us answer all questions. Mojo is that thing that will have helped you answer your own question. People lose their mojos for a variety of reasons. In films, people lose their mojos to push the plot. In life, people lose their mojos so they can lose their jobs. In love, people lose their mojos, so they can have sex with other people who can help them find it. In future, people will lose their mojos so they can wallow in the past. In reality, we do not know why people lose their mojos. In all honesty, we don't even know what is a mojo. In fact, many, many things are a mojo. In stance, a mojo is a fuel. A mojo is an excuse. A mojo is food. A mojo is hunger. A mojo is a gene. A mojo is an instinct. A mojo is a song that makes you happy. A mojo is a joke that makes you smile. A mojo is a face you want to come home to. A mojo is that whore who makes you forget how fucked your day has been. A mojo is a game of squash. A mojo is the words you vomit out on a blank page that lighten your mind. A mojo is a shopping spree. A mojo is the cheque at the end of the month. A mojo is the boss whose positive words make you run harder. A mojo is the rat race that keeps you competitive. A mojo is an ego. A mojo is an idea at the end of a long, hard think. A mojo is not a simple question. A mojo is definitely the answer to many questions. Can we help you with your question? For once, we're not sure we can. For once again, we don't have a solution to somebody else's agony. Maybe we've lost our mojo. We wish we could send you away with a solution and smile, but we're stumped in the face of no mojo. If we knew what a mojo really, singly, specifically was, we'd go out and grab it. If we knew why people lose their mojos, we'd go out and find ours. We're very sorry Art, you're just going to have to find your way to your own mojo. And once you find it, don't lose it. We may not know what a mojo is, but we certainly know how it feels to lose it. Trust us, you don't want to. But first, you've got to find it for yourself. And while you're out trying to hunt it down, stick with what the great mojo hunter of Ho Joe Fuxly used to say, "If you can't find ya mojo, fuck it." We have no idea what he meant, but that's the nature of Mojo. You don't know it, until you have it. And you bloody well know it, when you don't. Your nojo Agony