Sunday, September 10, 2006

"Why don't you do paragraphs?" Para Phrase

Dear Para, The Great Grammarian Philosopher Para Bola once, and only once, said, "The key to helping slow minds read is to do paragraphs. Slowly." He also happened to say this very slowly. As a result, by the time he had finished saying it, we had, quickly, left the room. And that's why we don't do paragraphs. Even though, we do read them. After all, why deprive other famous, published and paragraphed people the pleasure of being famous and published because they are paragraphed. Slowly. Does that answer your question? We certainly hope not. When it comes to questions, we don't do questions either. In fucking fact, we don't do a lot of things. We don't do hard work. We don't do ambition. We don't do women. We don't do men. (They're both fucking mistakes of evolution.) We don't do regular jobs. We don't do jobs. We don't do what we want to do. We don't do what we don't want to do. We don't do business as usual. We don't do ordinary things. We don't even do life. We don't do much, much bigger things in life. We don't do anything in life. So why the fuck should we do something as dolittle as paragraphs? And how is that your problem? Is that your problem? If it is your problem, we'll make the difference of doing something about it. But not in paragraphs. After all, we're here to solve your problems, right? Still, we can't see how us not doing paragraphs is your problem. Then again, if we look more carefully, we might see how that is your problem. You are probably from the slowly stewing Para Bola school of slought. For the sloughters among you, slought is 'slow+thought'. (For more such quoughts, including 'quought', goose down to the wordmint at blogspot dot com.) Back now to the parabolaist that seems to be you. We can see how for paraproblematics like you, not doing paragraphs would make our carefully puked out rants, advises and tirades harder to read, comprehend and do. Do you read me? Obviously you don't. Maybe you would if we did paragraphs. Slowly. Do we care? Add it to yet another thing we don't do: Care. Does all this not doing we do mean we should, at least, do paragraphs? Maybe we should. Maybe if we did paragraphs, we'll get to do a lot more in life. Maybe all we need to do to do more in life is a bunch of fucking paragraphs. Slowly. Do you think paragraphs are the keys to getting published, praised and widely read? Do you bloody really think so? Maybe paragraphs are the key to good writing. But, at the time of writing, we don't think so. Maybe, if we do paragraphs, we shall be magically transformed into a gripping disher-out of pithily put out pieces that will help the whole world, his dog and his bitch do a lot more than paragraphs with their lives. Will that solve your problem? All the more reason we won't do it. We won't do a fucking thing about us to solve your problem. Instead, we'll do something better. We'll tell you the key to solving your problems. The key to solving your problems is not to identify other people's problems, but to start with your problem. Your problem cannot be someone else's problem. Your problems will not go away if you wait for other people to do something about them. You have to grab your problems by the balls of your problems and squeeze the shit out of them. It is from this shitty mess you have squeezed out that a solution to your problem will emerge. You have a problem with why we don't do paragraphs? Here's a rule you can abide by to help solve your problem. Paragraphs are rules. As a rule, we don't do rules. So do yourself a favour. Don't get into a dobate with us. You, still, have a problem with us not doing paragraphs, here's something you can do to solve it. Don't do yourself the chore of trying to read us.

As the Great Hinspanic Grammarian Drunk Para Dola once, and only once, spat out, viciously, "Paragraphs paralyse. Para Mi? Para Thoo!" And that's the final wordy on paragraphs. In a paragraph. Mi para gone Agony.