Saturday, September 16, 2006

"The rains are coming. What should we do?" Eye CC

Dear Eye, We see what you mean. Keeping an eye on your primary objective we can see only one way out of your problem. We think it's best you organise some cricket matches that will be cancelled on account of rain thus saving yourself the trouble of doing anything while trying to make money. The good thing about organising such matches is that they don't need to be played. Only paid for. Players will come to play and get paid for playing with time. You will organise the whole thing with much fanfare and get paid for organising nothing. The host country will get some much needed exposure and get paid for it. TV companies will sell the rights for matches that will never be completed and get paid for it. The main sponsor will advertise his name in big and bold and then get into an IPO. The paying public will pay for all this and get nothing. People will tune in and see ads. People will come to the ground and all they'll see are billboards. People will wait for matches to start and all they'll be fed are commercial messages. Players will then make prepared statements on how the game shouldn't have been ruined by the weather knowing fully well that the game was meant to be ruined by the weather. The paying public will pay for the game and go back home cursing the weather for ruining a perfectly good game of cricket knowing nully well that the weather is the last thing they should be cursing for ruining the perfectly good game of cricket. Do you see what we mean? You should. You've done this in the past. So why the wide-eyed kvetchun? Ah, we see. You see this as a kind of confession box. We've dealt with people like you in the past. No issues. May God bless you with all your tresspasses. And now that you have confessed, play on. Your crichety Funcle.