"Come what may, I can't make money. Any ideas?" Poor Sod

Dear Poor Sod, No wonder you can't make money. Only a silly sod like you would expect other people to reveal to you the secrets of making money. The first rule of making money is not to tell others how to make money. To make money, somebody has to lose money and if everybody started telling one and other how to make money, how on earth are you going to find enough people to lose money? More people have to lose money for some people to make money. So if you want to make money, find a whole bunch of losers and stay very close to them and keep telling them how great they are. That way, you'll be the first to benefit from their delusional losses. Don't tell anyone, but that's precisely why we've got into this line of unwork, so I can meet as many losers as possible. The other way to make money is...umm, no, there is no other way to make money. Oh, okay, since we like you and believe in you, we'll tell you one other way to make money. Invest whatever you have in the stock market. The only problem with this other money-making strategy is that the only people who will make money in the stock market is other people. Think about that. And while you're at it, if you have some money you'd like to invest properly, contact me. Fiscally yours, Funcle.