"I'm a terrorist, what should I do?" The Terrorist

Dear The, Interesting first name you have there. Your parents must have felt very strongly about you. Imagine, naming someone 'The'. Does that make you special? Why did they call you 'The'? Are you 'The' one? What were you called in school? Never mind the questions. Coming to your question, it's an interesting one. It's also a silly one. What do you mean, what should you do? There is so much wrong in the world that you can set out to set right. As a terrorist, you have the God-given right to co-opt God on your side and launch a Holy war. That way, you can always fall back on one of life's oldest cliches and make a section of this poor sodden bunch of losers on our planet believe you are The Hero and somebody else is The terrorist. Though, that might be a tad confusing for the world in general, and for you in particular. After all, how would you deal with a situation where somebody else becomes you and you become somebody else altogether? Confusing, eh? So let's try and suggest a few other things you can do. How about targetting bloggers and blowing up a few trains? The way that works is that when you blow up trains, some governments think the best way to get you is to blacklist a bunch of blogs. Think about that. A lot of people in mainstream media hate bloggers and if you decide to target bloggers in this unique way, you might even get them on your side. And once you have mainstream media on your side, it's practically impossible to go wrong or do any wrong. If that sounds too subversive to you, how about strapping yourself with a bunch of explosives and jumping into a Volkswagon? The great thing about this suggestion is someone will do a viral film about how ultra-strong the car is give you the worldwide fame that you seek. Moreover, once you do this, you won't have anything left to do and won't have any more difficult questions you need answered. In effect, you will kill one bird with one stone, which is a lot better than killing two birds with one stone. We kinda like to think of ourselves as bird lovers, so the fewer birds you kill with one stone the better. Think about these suggestions The. Most others would kill for the kind of ideas we dish out here for free. Helpfully yours, Funcle.