"I'm always lost for words. Any ideas?" Mr. Silent Typer

Dear Typer, Have you ever tried to analyse why you might be lost for words? Could it be because of what you are faced with? There could be many reasons why you might find yourself lost for words. Do any of the following situations sound familiar to you. For instance, you're lost for words when you're faced with a sobbing lover. In such situations, it's best to start sobbing two. This normally makes the person who is sobbing stop sobbing. Once that person stops sobbing, she will blink and wonder why you, a grown man, are sobbing? As soon as you see her stop sobbing, stop sobbing. After all, only women are allowed to sob, not grown men. Not even when they are faced with women who will do nothing but sob. Of course, once you regain your compusure and stop sobbing, she will start sobbing. Note, do not fall for this tactical ruse. Respond in kind. And restart sobbing, quickly. This absurd process could, happily enough, go on forever, which will make it absolutely unnecessary for either of you to say anything at all. The result of all this relay sobbing is that you will not be lost for words. On the contrary, if you indulge in such behavioural patterns, words will have no use for you at all and both of you can then lead the rest of your life in this dumb manner. If that sounds unlike anything you have experienced, maybe this will strike a chord with your experience. Do you have a pussy? Is it an aggressive pussy? Does she despise you? Does she control you? She might have got your tongue. Has she got your tongue? In which case, there's not much you can do about your predicament except put the bloody pussy to sleep. And if your pussy happens to be your girlfriend, put the bloody relationship to sleep. Clearly, your pussy and your girlfriend are not compatible with each other and you. From what we have seen, they have most certainly conspired to rid you of your tongue. We advise you to immediately get rid of them. Once you do this, you will slowly notice your tongue coming back to you. Just make sure you don't, ever, put it in the place the sun don't shine in again. Does all that sound a tad too graphic to you? Does none of that sound like your problem? Perhaps you're just destined to be a writer. Why don't you shut the fuck up and write? Trust us, being lost for words is not such a bad thing. In our experience, not saying much is a lot safer than always having something to say. Over time, you'll see that the virtues of being dumb far outweigh the transient pleasures of all talk. Wisely hurting Agony.