"Statcounter is tormenting me. Help!" Number Cruncher

Dear Number Cruncher, What do you mean Statcounter is tormenting you? Don't you think you're being a little indulgent here? I mean, you've written to a blogger telling the blogger than Statcounter is tormenting you? Do you have any idea how painful that might sound to a blogger? Understand this, all bloggers are tormented by their Statcounters. Bloggers live for their Statcounters. A blogger without a Statcounter is not a blogger. What's the use of starting a relationship with a Statcounter if you're not willing to be tormented by it? You knew very well what you were getting into before pasting that malicious piece of code into your blog. Did you think Statcounter would generate the big numbers for you by itself to please you? I suppose you thought you were doing a very noble thing by disabling the feature that allows you to inflate your own Statcounter. Well, serves you right for trying to be over smart and not deluding yourself. If you decide to get into a relationship with Statcounter, prepare to delude yourself. Disabling your own IP address is a surefire way to ruin your self-esteem and diminish your Statcounter's. What disabling your own IP address means is that you're hoping many people will visit your blog and make your Statcounter say nice things about you. What that also says is that you're an utter idiot. Clearly, you're a fool and deserve the pain Statcounter is dishing out to you. Honestly, we don't feel very inclined to continue talking to such a nincompoop, but since we're nice, we'll give you some quick tips. If you'd like to go for the 'cold turkey' method, instantly remove the malicious piece of code from your blog and live the rest of your life wondering how many people are reading your rantings. It's easier to fool yourself when you have no way to cross-check the impression you're giving yourself about yourself. On the other hand, if you're too dependent on Statcounter and cannot do without it, prepare to hit the super-highway. Make it a point to visit as many blogs as inhumanly possible during the day and leave behind as many offensive comments as humanly possible on each of the blogs you visit. What that will do is make the other poor Statcounter-driven folk come scurrying down to your blog and see what one earth you're going on about? Make no mistake, they'll probably not spend more than a second on your blog, considering the bilge you're blog is most likely to be filled with, but at least their visit will register on your Statcounter and inflate it, alongwith your pathetic ego. Just make sure you don't go to your Statcounter page and try to see how long they're spending reading your tripe. That will only end up depressing you even more. If you keep at it and keep visiting the millitude of blogs that are created on a daily basis and keep your stock of offensive comments flowing, your relationship with your Statcounter is sure to keep you happy. Just don't make the mistake of trying to analyse it. Incidentally, thank you for strengthening our relationship with our Statcounter with your visit. Now get out and work on yours. We're sure, like you, your Statcounter, too, feels most neglected. Stats-fuelled Agony.