"I'm a frustrated writer, what should I do?" Writer Blocked

Dear Blockhead, We're all frustrated writers. What do we do? That's not to say that you can't do a thing about it. In fact, you've done the perfect thing by coming to us for a solution. We're not in the business of providing quick fixes for nothing. We've been doing it from the time we started experiencing the frustrations of being a frustrated writer on a nauseatingly regular basis. In our experience, and from the advice we've dished out to plenty of kindred souls like you, the only thing to do when you're a frustrated writer is find an outlet for your frustrations. Chances are, as a frustrated writer, you probably don't have much money. Chances also are that since you call yourself a writer, you've chosen this lonely avocation/vocation/profession because you're probably too ugly to be in something less frustrating. Personal experience tells us that when you're an ugly, frustrated, unpublished writer, the best thing you can do to alleviate your suffering is to start up a multitude of blogs. The great thing about doing this is that you can confuse people into believing you're the owner of a piece of property, albeit on the web, that is widely read and very popular. Also, you can adopt a tone of voice that is macho, attractive and most unlike what you are in real life. As a result, people will start thinking you're all the things you're not in real life. And finally, the great thing about starting up many blogs is you give yourself a very good chance of becoming a 'google celebrity'. What is a 'google celebrity'? It's the only kind of celebrityhood that frustrated writers can ever hope to attain. What it is, put simply, is the pathetic kick you get out of seeing your name thrown up by the world's coolest, hottest and mostest premier search engine in the world. Have enough blogs and you will turn up in enough searches. That way, you'll keep your hopes up of being discovered by someone somewhere who might, just might, take a liking to one of the many blogs you will struggle to maintain. Furthermore, that someone might even hand you a book contract or some kind of contract, which might turn you into a published writer. Just don't count on it. Don't get your hopes up. Stay frustrated and let that fuel your blogging. It's the enjoyment you take from the process of blogging that will eventually relieve you of your frustrated writerly state. Either that or death from bitterness. Best of luck. Now get going and make sure you start at least 15 blogs in the next 7 days. Yours personally, Funcle