"I'm married. I want to have an affair. What do I do?" Mr. Harried

Dear Mr. Harried, Hmm. Obviously, you know that you're going through what a lot of married people go through. The simplest thing to tell you would be the hardest thing for you to do. So I'll start with the simplest piece of advice. Don't do it. I'll follow that up with another piece of advice, don't don't do it. The most sensible thing to do would be to do it and get it out of the system. The question then is, what if you wanted to do it again? Would it be advisable to do it again? That's a different question and you'll have to come back to me with it when you do it again. For now though, the simplest thing to do in such a difficult situation is to pick someone who wants to stay married and have a really hush-hush affair with him or her again and again and again. Safely. Hey, let's be safe here, okay. No multiple partners. And no, I'm not being judgemental or anything. Just safe, in more ways than one. If you know what I mean. (Wink. Wink.) That way, everyone gets the best of all worlds. (Wink. Wank.) Hope this helps. And if it doesn't, please don't blame me. There's a reason my first name's Agony. Goodbye Funcle