"I hate sex. What should I do?" Pee Weewee Herman

Dear Weewee, I've got two words for you: Enjoy it. You don't know how lucky you are to not like sex. Most people in this world will go to the most ridiculous lengths to get sex. When you like sex, you tolerate crap jobs for the money, which, you hope will buy you sex. When you like sex, you will subjugate yourself in the face of the vilest bilge from members of the opposite sex, in the hope that you will get some. When you like sex, you will lather your face will all kinds of chemicals, in the vain hope that you will get some. When you like sex, you will stoop so very low to conquer, in the hope that you will get some. When you like sex, you will kill your soul, in the hope that you will get some. When you like sex, you will imagine all kinds of things are wrong with you because you don't get some. When you like sex, you will genuflect your way up the corporate ladder, in the hope that you will get some once you're on top. When you like sex, you will ruin existing relationships, in the hope that you will get some more. When you like sex, all morals will get ejected for a little more sex. When you like sex, you will stop looking at yourself in the mirror and see yourself only through the eyes of the people who you think will, might, maybe give you some more sex. When you like sex, you will fake orgasms and a lot of other things in your life. When you like sex, you will be settle for a life of mostly agony, in exchange for a few fleeting moments of pleasure. When you like sex, you will willingly dislike yourself. You're blessed. You're free. You are released. You are totally great, Paaji. We suggest you start up a self-help practice and render some yeoman service to mankind by teaching the rest of us pathetic souls how to be like you and detest sex. You make us feel very small Weewee. Very, very small. Please do tell us how you got yourself to hate sex? We too would like to get it out of the way and focus on the more important things in life. We think if we started hating sex we might become a great person. Unfortunately, right now, we feel utterly inadequate in the face of you and are unable to help you. On the contrary, we ask you, we love sex. What should we do? Can you help us? Yours very humbly, Funcle.